hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
