I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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