my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
