I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
