Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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