My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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