worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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