i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
