I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
