I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
