Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
