turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
