we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
