the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
