dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
