The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
