Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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