Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
