Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just had sex bonerless
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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