you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
