Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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