he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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