so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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