i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
