I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
