things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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