i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
