I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
