Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
