Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
its not stalking. its research.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
he just fucked me for my cheese.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
