Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
