how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
