i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
