Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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