No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
