sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
