Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
