I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
