if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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