I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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