Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
