Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
