god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
