Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
