I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
