do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
