Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
