did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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