Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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