hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
