wakey wakey hands off snakey
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I need moral support for this bender
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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