so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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