How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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